Snape's Goodbye
by Black Midnite
Summary: Severus Snape finally lets go.


Severus Snape walked into his office. He had just gotten done with his last potions class of the week. He hated that class. They had a way of getting on his last nerves. He walked over to a large cabinet hidden in shadows behind his desk and took out a dusty bottle of vodka and a glass to poor himself a drink. As he pulled out the vodka a large picture fell out with it, along with a flood of memories.

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

'_Cause your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

There they were in front of Hogwarts, both afraid but both so very excited. He had told her he hoped they were in the same house, Slytherin. They both were very disappointed he went to Slytherin and she didn't.

_These wounds won't seem to heal _

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

That memory dissolved into another one. She had just received a letter from her sister in response to the one she sent begging her to write, saying she missed her. The response was so heratless, so very cruel, she now sat in a corner crying. Severus saw this and walked over.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he said as he sat down next to her, put his arm around her and held her close which seemed to calm her some.

"My sister sent me this letter" she said with some difficulty as she held it out for him to read. As he read it he held her tighter and when he finished it he said,

"I'm so sorry." Then he pulled back and looked her straight in the eyes, wiped away some of the tears, and said "That's not how I think of you. You know that right? She's alone in those feelings."

"I know but it still hurts."

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have _

_All of me_

Severus sat his desk thinking of the past, of times when he could say he was really happy. He kept coming back to her beautiful face, her beautiful mind, how captivating she was in every way. He even loved her often sharp and biting responses and wit. Her voice was like that of an angle and one couldn't forget her face… no he wasn't quite dunk enough for that yet. He never could be. He held his liquor better than he liked sometimes, and, even if he didn't, he knew it was safer for everyone if he never got that drunk. He could never allow anyone to see his mind that vulnerable, ever. He had far too many secrets to ever allow that to happen. And he had far too many of those secrets far too close to his heart. He was reliving so very many of the more painful ones tonight.

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts_

_My once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away_

_All the sanity in me_

He sat there waiting. For what not even he knew, but he still sat there waiting for something. It was then he realized the wounds inflected where just too deep. They had never healed. It's why, when he got a shooting pain down his left arm, he could still go meet the vile thing that had killed the woman he loved. Go to meet him to secretly gather information to help kill the creature because there was no way he was a real human. No man could be that heartless and still be called a man.

He wiped away some tears he didn't know had fallen; put his head back, and tried to think of other things. He couldn't.

_These wounds won't seem to heal _

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have _

_All of me_

Now he sat there saying bitterly to himself "She gone. She's been gone for years. She never really was mine. She was always his." He got up went to his bedroom, went to his bathroom and took a hot shower.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along_

As he got out he turned on the wireless which was playing a muggle song for some reason. He tuned in just in time to hear the last part of it.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

If you could have walked into his room just then you would have found one Severus Snape sitting in a chair by the fire holding an old photograph crying, finally grieving his lost and finally letting his beloved rest.


End file.
